How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Written By Naomi Parton

So, you’re choosing the road less traveled—the one that requires actual effort, emotional vulnerability, and the ability to keep it together while pouring your heart out in front of Grandma Carol. No pressure.

Like for real… are you sure you’re up for this? I mean, it’s the most important speech of your life, delivered in front of your friends, family, and at least one person who will definitely judge you.

Just kidding; you can totally do this (even without using Chat GPT!)

As a wedding officiant who has seen it all, I’m here to guide you through this process with my best advice. Let’s break it down step by step.

Step 1: Start with the Right Mindset

Writing your vows isn’t about impressing anyone with your literary genius or making vows long enough to rival The Lord of the Rings. It’s about capturing the essence of your relationship, promising a beautiful future, and making your partner feel more precious than Gollum feels about The One Ring. (Nerds like me, you get it.)

So don’t overthink it. Your vows should sound like you. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re sentimental, lean into that. If you’re both, well, congrats—you’re going to make everyone cry and laugh at the same time.

Step 2: Find Your Inspiration

If staring at a blank page makes your brain short-circuit, start by gathering inspiration. Read traditional vows, song lyrics, poetry, or even text messages you’ve sent your partner. Notice the words that stand out and resonate with you.

These questions may spark something:

  • When did you first realize you loved them?

  • What quirky habit of theirs do you secretly adore?

  • How have they changed your life?

  • What promises do you really want to make to them? (Example: “I vow to always let you have the last fry… most of the time.”)

Step 3: Structure It Like a Pro

Avoid rambling by keeping your vows structured and intentional. Here’s an easy format to follow:

1. Start with a personal anecdote

  • Example: “From the moment you corrected my grammar on our first date, I knew I had met my match.”

  • Example: “There she was in her Titans’ jersey, making me smile more than a game-winning field goal.”

2. Make a declaration of love with humor sprinkled in

  • Example: “You are my best friend, my greatest adventure, and my favorite debate partner about where to eat… because—somehow, despite thousands of restaurants in existence—there are zero acceptable options.”

  • Example: “I vow to support your dreams, even when they involve visiting Disney World more times in a year than is acceptable for most adults.

  • Example: “I vow to always laugh at your terrible puns, even when they physically pain me.”

3. Make meaningful promises

  • Example: “I promise to choose you, every single day, for the rest of my life.”

4. End on a powerful, emotional note

  • Example: “I can’t wait to build this life with you, one ridiculous, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect day at a time.”

Of course, you’ll want to choose words and examples that feel authentic to your unique relationship. If you’re having trouble with that, think about what words, phrases or weird nicknames you use regularly with each other.

Step 4: Keep It Short and Sweet (Seriously, No Monologues)

Nobody came to the wedding to hear your TED Talk on love. Aim for 1-2 minutes—long enough to be meaningful, short enough to keep people engaged. If you’re unsure, read them out loud. If you find yourself needing a water break midway through, it’s time to edit.

Step 5: Practice, But Not Too Much

Rehearse your vows out loud. Record yourself if needed (just don’t judge your voice—everyone hates their own recorded voice). Practicing helps with delivery, pacing, and making sure you don’t sound like a robot reading a grocery list.

That said, don’t overdo it. Over-rehearsing can make you sound rehearsed instead of heartfelt. The goal is to know your vows well enough to say them with confidence, but still feel the moment as you say them.

Step 6: Bring a Backup Copy

Your vows would be one of, like, three things you absolutely don’t want to lose on your wedding day. And if possible, I recommend hand-writing them or printing them on beautiful paper or a scroll (if that’s your style). You can read from your phone, but just know that:

  • some more traditional guests might be put off by how this looks

  • your battery needs to be fully charged

  • it’s important to set your screen to “never turn off” so you don’t have to type in your password in the middle of the ceremony’s most romantic moment

Step 7: Deliver with Confidence (and Maybe a Tissue)

When the moment arrives, take a deep breath, look your partner in the eye, and speak from the heart.

If you get choked up, it’s okay—people love a good, emotional vow moment. If you mess up a word, laugh it off. This is real life, and that’s what makes it beautiful.

Final Thoughts on How to Write Vows

Writing your own vows is one of the most meaningful things you can do for your wedding, and especially for your partner. It’s a chance to tell them why they’re your forever person. So take your time, be yourself, and have fun with it.

And if all else fails? Just promise you’ll never skip ahead in their favorite series without them. That’s a vow anyone can get behind.

Need help writing your vows or planning your ceremony? Let’s chat!

Naomi Parton